Blame? Who Shall I Blame?!?

Blaming others, I suspect, is a part of our human developmental learning curve. The more dependent on others, the more likely to blame others for our circumstance if said circumstance is deemed unpleasant. Am I to blame, for instance, if as an infant one of the fleshy breasts that I use for food is not available when I am hungry? If at that point I had a capacity to feel separate from my breast-source, I would likely indicate through my primitive and inarticulate actions that the carrier of the breasts is responsible for this breach.

As we do develop into some degree of separateness our capacity for abstract thought and self-responsibility often lags. Not enough ‘real life’ lessons and hard knocks to shed some light on the ultimate likelihood that each of us is responsible for most of what takes place in the form of what we call our lives.

Actually, then, the question becomes not so much about whether or not we have all been caught up in the ‘blame game’. Rather, it becomes more about WHEN we were able to move from externalized blame to internalized self acceptance and personal responsibility.

I have done my fair share of blaming, and became aware of how unproductive it was when my blaming merged into a motive for revenge. Is not avenging that which is wrong the stuff of the super hero? Hell, I can be down with being a super hero. Except all the blaming was doing was distracting myself from where the focus truly belonged: ME.

I recently heard that revenge is really nothing more than a lazy way to (mis)-manage grief. Might I add a naïve and unproductive way, as well? Revenge, then, fit quite well into my scheme of blaming and externalizing responsibility and accountability.

Luckily, and thankfully, I became so toxic and potentially destructive in my pain and loss and grief and NEED TO EXTERNALIZE/BLAME that it became obvious to me that something was quite amiss. After serious and significant reflection, and the space that time can create, I have moved beyond a default blaming position. I am now able to take a close look at nearly all circumstances and evaluate just what part my attitude and actions plays in the creation or maintaining of unpleasantness.

Phew.

What part does blame play in your life?

Footprints of Life

We all walk through life, leaving a mark. Whether we intend to or not. The question becomes, then, what kind of mark? What type of footprint?

Do you walk lightly, leaving nary a trace? Or do you plod through, leaving a heavy mark of chaotic imprints in the metaphorical soil? How will others remember you, when you have moved on to wherever it is you will move on to?

This? Merely a simple invitation to reflect…

deorre 

Thunder & Lightening & Awe

Thunder & Lightening & Awe, Oh My! 

Recently, as I was driving from

Big
Town to Little Town along side the
Pacific Ocean, I was witness to a marvelously awesome display of Natures’ beauty and power.  The roaring thunder and magnificent bolts of lightening remained fairly constant and active for the duration of my thirty-0minute drive. I pulled over to the side of the road several times so that I could more comprehensively absorb what I was experiencing without becoming a distracted hazard of the road. 

Besides the powerful splendor, I was struck by how much awe was generated by this skyful display. Quite humbling, actually. My smallness relative to this grandeur. 

If I had been a pre-historic individual witnessing this display, what would I think and feel? Without scientific explanation or this mighty phenomenon, would I shudder in fear of this mysterious occurrence? Not ‘knowing’ what this was, how would I absorb such awesome and all-encompassing power? 

Such are the meanderings of my mind, wondering this and imagining that. Childlike, I suppose. 

Whether a child, a pre-historic, or a member of contemporary culture, how do individuals and collectives organize around mystery? Mystery such as thunder and lightening, for instance, sans scientific rationale.  How long can a cognizant person or people co-exist with a mystery prior to attaching ‘definition’ and ‘story’ to it? At what point does mystery unexplained become a stress that fetters the quality of life? 

Stories seem helpful. Likely for thousands of years, humans have been creating stories to explain away and absorb the uncertainty that comes with mystery. Rituals, myth, religion, and science are all apt venues for such. ‘Writing down the bones’ may be another way by which mystery can be absorbed if not explained by and for an individual. 

All of this seems our humanly humble attempt to defuse and dissipate the stress and strain that comes with the ultimate mysteries and uncertainties of life. Oddly, when one becomes myopic in ones’ adherence to the particular story embraced, then more stress ensues when it seems as if another story is seeping and creeping in to what is held as ‘true’.  

Sigh…I love a good storm. 

 

What Stories Do You Use?

Psychological Playbook

  

  

No matter what you do, no matter how precisely you plan, the proverbial ’shit’ will always happen. There will always be a fan waiting for it, to thoroughly spread it beyond its’ molehill status.

Are you ready for the eventual crisis?

Lately much of my work has been in assisting individuals who choose to create their own personal playbook, a psychological playbook, if you will. A plan for readiness that has nothing to do with a knowledge of science, math, history, or other of the subjects traditionally taught in the schoolhouse.

I suppose it has something to do with the kind of training that seems sooooo lacking this day and age. Training on ‘how to be in the world‘. The stuff that comes from mentors, parents, siblings, and other such players in ones life game.

We all have innate skills and intuitive intelligence as to how to respond to crises and other disruptions in our ‘comfort-zone’ based routines and stability. My work is to help cull that knowledge and wisdom out and to morph it into a pragmatic plan of contingencies should the fece hit the fan.

It takes a bit of introspection, and many feel they don’t have the time or energy to engage in such a seemingly frivolous pursuit. “Introspection, you say? What is this stuff, introspection?”

My response to this question is that it is path to your gold. To what will become your psychological playbook in the event that your default habits prove meaningless and unfruitful.

WHAT IS IN YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PLAY BOOK??

deorre

Find Your Path & Make Your Mark

Finding and/or creating your path is hugely important. A path is the direction and destination of a life. It is how you make your mark. It is where you invest your personal energy. And if you don’t, it is what takes your personal energy away from you.

The way I see it is that what you do today is going to move you into tomorrow. The choice each person has to make is whether they adopt the ‘one day at a time’ approach or the ‘full planning’ agenda. There are benefits to both, and perhaps it is safest and wisest to imagine a continuum that we are plotted somewhere upon.

A touch of spontanaiety and a touch of planning. This empowers the ‘free spirit’ that resides within to meet the ‘promethean’ task master that is often associated with the mundane. When teamed, these two forces of energy have a synergistic effect that may very likely result in success and satisfaction and meaning while in the process of ‘making our mark’ in the world.

deorre

Path…

Finding and/or creating your path is hugely important. A path is the direction and destination of a life. It is how you make your mark.  It is where you invest your personal energy. And if you don’t, it is what takes your personal energy away from you.

The way I see it is that what you do today is going to move you into tomorrow. The choice each person has to make is whether they adopt the ‘one day at a time’ approach or the ‘full planning’ agenda. There are benefits to both, and perhaps it is safest and wisest to imagine a continuum that we are plotted somewhere upon.

A touch of spontanaiety and a touch of planning. This empowers the ‘free spirit’ that resides within to meet the ‘promethean’ task master that is often associated with the ‘ego’.  When teamed, these two forces of energy have a synergistic effect that may very likely result in success and satisfaction and meaning while in the process of ‘making our mark’ in the world.

deorre

Personal Mission Statement

Business and corporations typically put together a mission statement that identifies who they are, what they do, and how it will be of service to their clientele. When kept simple, and if truly expressive of who they are and where they want to go, these mission statements can become an integral part of an overall campaign of promotion.

I have been working with individuals in the creation of personal mission statements. In so many cases people do not think about who they are, where they have been where they are now, and where they want to go. Our work creates some clarity relative to this, and offers empowerment to move ‘effectively’ into the future. Proactively rather than reactively.

A good mission statement will be brief, and offer who you are and what it is you want to accomplish. It can be referenced daily so that one may assess whether todays’ actions are in alignment with purpose and intention for tomorrow.

What you do today is what moves you into what you will be tomorrow, goes the working mantra.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT TO READ?

deorre

Have You Made Your Mark?

Welcome to MAKE YOUR MARK!, a blog that will address who you are, who you are becoming, and all the things that prevent that from happening. Every individual is unique, and has that uniqueness to offer. As a gift, if you will, to the rest of us. And that, my friends, is what MAKE YOUR MARK! is all about.

So read on, and join in!

deorre